1
00:00:19,547 --> 00:00:21,515
So anyway, I've been to a lot of
places.
2
00:00:21,551 --> 00:00:24,355
You know, I've helped a lot of
people save a lot of money.
3
00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:26,426
But today...( SFX: Loud noise of
large metal object hitting the
ground)
4
00:00:26,462 --> 00:00:28,462
things have been a little
strange.
5
00:00:30,666 --> 00:00:32,333
(SFX: Sound of piano
smashing)
6
00:00:34,807 --> 00:00:36,842
Roadrunner: Meep meep.
7
00:00:36,878 --> 00:00:38,879
Meep meep?
8
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,150
(SFX: Loud thud sound)
9
00:00:44,185 --> 00:00:45,819
What a strange place.
10
00:00:45,854 --> 00:01:19,247
GEICO®. Fifteen minutes could
save you fifteen percent or more
on car insurance.
11
00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:12,545
>> Tosh: ALL RIGHT.
KNOCK IT OFF.
12
00:02:12,547 --> 00:02:14,680
KNOCK IT OFF.
IF YOU'RE WONDERING IF I'LL BE
13
00:02:14,682 --> 00:02:20,452
IF YOU'RE WONDERING IF I'LL BE
GOING TRIPLE STUBBLE NEXT WEEK
14
00:02:20,454 --> 00:02:21,619
GOING TRIPLE STUBBLE NEXT WEEK
THAT'D BE NO.
15
00:02:21,621 --> 00:02:23,054
THAT'D BE NO.
THAT WOULD BE A WEIRD.
16
00:02:23,056 --> 00:02:25,089
THAT WOULD BE A WEIRD.
THAT'S NOT THE WARDROBE.
17
00:02:25,091 --> 00:02:27,258
THAT'S NOT THE WARDROBE.
THE PROBLEM WITH INSTRA GRAM IS
18
00:02:27,260 --> 00:02:28,593
THE PROBLEM WITH INSTRA GRAM IS
THE SLUTTY PICTURES WOMEN TAKE
19
00:02:28,595 --> 00:02:30,528
THE SLUTTY PICTURES WOMEN TAKE
CARE OF THEMSELVES AND I ASKED
20
00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:35,764
CARE OF THEMSELVES AND I ASKED
MY MALE FOLLOWERS TO INSTAGRAM
21
00:02:35,766 --> 00:02:39,434
MY MALE FOLLOWERS TO INSTAGRAM
THEMSELVES DOING THE SAME STUPID
22
00:02:39,436 --> 00:02:43,402
THEMSELVES DOING THE SAME STUPID
POSES THE GIRLS DO IN A NEW
23
00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:46,838
POSES THE GIRLS DO IN A NEW
SEGMENT CALLED BROS POSE LIKE
24
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,606
SEGMENT CALLED BROS POSE LIKE
HOES AGRAM.
25
00:02:48,608 --> 00:02:51,174
HOES AGRAM.
I CALL THIS WHORE-A-SCOPE.
26
00:02:51,176 --> 00:02:52,876
I CALL THIS WHORE-A-SCOPE.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LOOK
27
00:02:52,878 --> 00:02:54,043
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LOOK
BOINKABLE FROM THAT ANGLE.
28
00:02:54,045 --> 00:03:07,953
BOINKABLE FROM THAT ANGLE.
NOW LET'S SEE SOME OF YOURS.
29
00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:24,368
[¶¶¶]
30
00:03:52,995 --> 00:03:55,830
>> Tosh: IT'S JUST SAD HOW
PREDICTABLE YOU LADIES ARE.
31
00:03:55,832 --> 00:03:57,599
PREDICTABLE YOU LADIES ARE.
NEXT WEEK ON THE SHOW I REDEEM
32
00:03:57,601 --> 00:03:58,600
NEXT WEEK ON THE SHOW I REDEEM
THIS FANCY FLYER.
33
00:03:58,602 --> 00:04:01,003
THIS FANCY FLYER.
>> I'M AT THE DENVER BRONCOS
34
00:04:01,005 --> 00:04:02,671
>> I'M AT THE DENVER BRONCOS
CHEERLEADER TRYOUTS TO BE THE
35
00:04:02,673 --> 00:04:04,673
CHEERLEADER TRYOUTS TO BE THE
FIRST MALE BRONCOS
36
00:04:04,675 --> 00:04:05,640
FIRST MALE BRONCOS
CHEERLEADER...
37
00:04:05,642 --> 00:04:05,940
CHEERLEADER...
EVER.
38
00:04:05,942 --> 00:04:06,708
EVER.
>> Tosh: I BET WE HAVE A LOT IN
39
00:04:06,710 --> 00:04:10,042
>> Tosh: I BET WE HAVE A LOT IN
COMMON.
40
00:04:10,044 --> 00:04:13,279
COMMON.
IF TWITTER STILL EXISTS PLEASE
41
00:04:13,281 --> 00:04:16,648
IF TWITTER STILL EXISTS PLEASE
FOLLOW ME ON AND IF YOU CARE
42
00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:19,351
FOLLOW ME ON AND IF YOU CARE
ABOUT CHARITY I'LL BE HEADLINING
43
00:04:19,353 --> 00:04:21,353
ABOUT CHARITY I'LL BE HEADLINING
A SHOW WITH MANY TALENTED
44
00:04:21,355 --> 00:04:24,490
A SHOW WITH MANY TALENTED
COMEDIANS AND PROFITS WILL BE
45
00:04:24,492 --> 00:04:26,592
COMEDIANS AND PROFITS WILL BE
DONATED TO SOME OF MY FAVORITE
46
00:04:26,594 --> 00:04:27,059
DONATED TO SOME OF MY FAVORITE
CAUSES.
47
00:04:27,061 --> 00:04:37,502
CAUSES.
IF YOU'RE NOT A FAN OF ANTHONY
48
00:04:37,504 --> 00:04:39,403
IF YOU'RE NOT A FAN OF ANTHONY
JESELNIK YOU'RE IN LUCK.
49
00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:41,439
JESELNIK YOU'RE IN LUCK.
THEY CANCELLED.
50
00:04:41,441 --> 00:04:51,883
THEY CANCELLED.
IN THIS WEEK'S BRICKLEBERRY,
51
00:04:51,885 --> 00:05:01,259
IN THIS WEEK'S BRICKLEBERRY,
STATISTICALLY 458 OF
52
00:05:02,328 --> 00:05:03,294
[howling]
53
00:05:03,329 --> 00:05:04,295
[screeching]
54
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:05,897
- NATIVE AMERICAN NEWS,
55
00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:09,634
YOUR SOURCE FOR NEWS
ON AND OFF THE RESERVATION.
56
00:05:09,669 --> 00:05:11,702
- HOW.
BAD NEWS TODAY.
57
00:05:11,738 --> 00:05:14,338
CASINO PROFITS DOWN.
LIQUOR PRICES UP.
58
00:05:14,374 --> 00:05:17,308
OFFENSIVE NATIVE AMERICAN
STEREOTYPES AT ALL-TIME HIGH.
59
00:05:17,343 --> 00:05:18,309
NOW FOR WEATHER.
60
00:05:18,344 --> 00:05:19,643
- LOOK LIKE SUN.
61
00:05:19,679 --> 00:05:20,644
- [warbling]
62
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:21,645
[thunder]
63
00:05:21,681 --> 00:05:23,347
- MAKE THAT RAIN.
64
00:05:23,382 --> 00:05:26,650
- NOW, FOR FEEL GOOD NEWS,
GO TO PALEFACE REPORTER.
65
00:05:26,685 --> 00:05:27,918
- HOW, CHIEF.
66
00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:29,986
I'M LIVE HERE AT YELLOWSTONE
NATIONAL PARK,
67
00:05:30,022 --> 00:05:32,855
WHERE A RARE WHITE BUFFALO
WAS BORN THIS MORNING.
68
00:05:32,891 --> 00:05:36,159
TOURISTS ARE POURING IN
TO SEE THE ADORABLE ANIMAL.
69
00:05:36,194 --> 00:05:38,728
THIS IS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE
OF WHY YELLOWSTONE
70
00:05:38,764 --> 00:05:41,531
IS OUR COUNTRY'S GREATEST
NATIONAL PARK.
71
00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:42,565
- SON OF A BITCH!
72
00:05:42,601 --> 00:05:43,733
[crash]
73
00:05:43,769 --> 00:05:45,835
- HELL YEAH!
[bleep] TECHNOLOGY!
74
00:05:45,870 --> 00:05:47,336
[grunts]
HA HA!
75
00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:57,346
- ¶ BRICKLEBERRY ¶
76
00:05:59,550 --> 00:06:02,618
- YELLOWSTONE!
YELLOWSTONE! HMMPH!
77
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,319
THEY'VE GOT A CUTE ANIMAL.
78
00:06:04,355 --> 00:06:07,489
THEY DIDN'T HAVE 25 CAMPERS
DIE IN THEIR PARK THIS MONTH.
79
00:06:07,525 --> 00:06:09,024
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
80
00:06:09,059 --> 00:06:10,659
- WE SHOULDN'T WORRY
ABOUT YELLOWSTONE.
81
00:06:10,694 --> 00:06:12,561
WE COULD JUST MAKE
SOME IMPROVEMENTS.
82
00:06:12,596 --> 00:06:15,163
- HERE'S ONE.
83
00:06:15,198 --> 00:06:16,865
- WE ARE DONE
PLAYING SECOND FIDDLE
84
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:18,767
TO THAT BASTARD YELLOWSTONE!
85
00:06:18,802 --> 00:06:22,538
AW, MALLOY, IF YOU'D ONLY WEAR
YOUR LITTLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT,
86
00:06:22,573 --> 00:06:25,107
I'LL BET TOURISTS
WOULD FLOCK TO SEE YOU TOO.
87
00:06:25,142 --> 00:06:27,309
- I BET YOU'D LIKE TO
SEE MY TIGHT ASS IN THAT,
88
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,777
YOU CREEPY PERVERT.
89
00:06:28,812 --> 00:06:30,612
- FINE. DO YOU KNOW
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?
90
00:06:30,647 --> 00:06:32,046
- DROWN A HOMELESS MAN?
91
00:06:32,082 --> 00:06:34,715
- NO, WE'RE GONNA FIND SOMETHING
EVEN MORE ADORABLE
92
00:06:34,751 --> 00:06:36,483
THAN THEIR SHITTY
WHITE BUFFALO.
93
00:06:36,518 --> 00:06:38,885
- WE SHOULDN'T EXPLOIT ANIMALS
FOR MONETARY GAIN
94
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,486
JUST BECAUSE YELLOWSTONE IS.
95
00:06:40,521 --> 00:06:41,753
- I AGREE WITH ETHEL.
96
00:06:41,789 --> 00:06:43,287
- SO, WHO'S GONNA
FIND ME AN ANIMAL
97
00:06:43,322 --> 00:06:45,222
THESE DOPEY TOURISTS
CAN'T RESIST?
98
00:06:45,257 --> 00:06:47,022
- NOT ME.
I HATE ANIMALS.
99
00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:49,291
- TO BE FAIR, MOST ANIMALS
HATE BLACK PEOPLE.
100
00:06:51,794 --> 00:06:54,160
AND MEXICANS.
101
00:06:54,195 --> 00:06:55,861
- OOH,
I WOULD LIKE TO VOLUNTEER
102
00:06:55,896 --> 00:06:57,328
TO FIND
THE CUTEST ANIMAL EVER.
103
00:06:57,363 --> 00:06:59,929
- SHIT.
ANYBODY ELSE?
104
00:06:59,964 --> 00:07:01,497
ANYBODY?
105
00:07:01,532 --> 00:07:04,265
OKAY, STEVE,
JUST DON'T SCREW IT UP.
106
00:07:04,301 --> 00:07:07,267
REMEMBER WHEN YOU "VOLUNTEERED"
AT THE RETIREMENT HOME?
107
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,501
[people screaming]
108
00:07:08,536 --> 00:07:10,869
[mountain lion roaring]
109
00:07:10,904 --> 00:07:13,670
[tranquilizer gun firing]
110
00:07:13,705 --> 00:07:17,072
[people groaning]
111
00:07:22,978 --> 00:07:25,277
[breezy music]
112
00:07:25,313 --> 00:07:26,778
- I'LL SHOW WOODY.
113
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,147
HOW HARD COULD IT BE
TO FIND A CUTE ANIMAL?
114
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,481
LET'S SEE.
115
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:33,583
UGLY, FAT, TOO ETHNIC.
116
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:37,786
BINGO.
117
00:07:37,821 --> 00:07:39,087
EXCUSE ME, FOLKS.
118
00:07:39,122 --> 00:07:40,955
[clatter]
OFFICIAL PARK BUSINESS.
119
00:07:40,991 --> 00:07:42,524
COME HERE, YOU RASCAL.
- OH!
120
00:07:42,559 --> 00:07:43,725
- EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME.
SORRY, SORRY.
121
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,794
SORRY, SORRY.
- OH! GET AWAY FROM ME!
122
00:07:45,829 --> 00:07:48,162
- SORRY. ALMOST GOT IT.
- [grunts]
123
00:07:48,198 --> 00:07:50,832
- GOT IT. LUCKILY, IT GOT
CAUGHT IN YOUR PANTIES.
124
00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:52,934
YOU FOLKS HAVE A NICE DAY.
125
00:07:52,969 --> 00:07:55,336
WOODY IS GOING TO LOVE YOU.
126
00:07:55,371 --> 00:07:58,171
- THIS IS THE MOST ADORABLE
ANIMAL EVER.
127
00:07:58,207 --> 00:08:00,107
AW, LOOK AT YOU.
128
00:08:00,142 --> 00:08:01,207
AAH!
129
00:08:01,243 --> 00:08:03,343
- OH, MY GOD,
YOU ARE CUTE!
130
00:08:03,378 --> 00:08:05,412
WHICH IS CUTER?
I DON'T KNOW.
131
00:08:05,447 --> 00:08:06,947
THE TOURISTS
LOVED THE SQUIRREL.
132
00:08:06,982 --> 00:08:09,149
THE HIKER, GOD REST HER SOUL,
LOVED THE RABBIT.
133
00:08:09,185 --> 00:08:12,887
IF ONLY I COULD HAVE BOTH.
BUT HOW?
134
00:08:12,922 --> 00:08:15,890
[inspirational music]
135
00:08:15,926 --> 00:08:20,828
¶ ¶
136
00:08:20,864 --> 00:08:22,263
THAT'S IT!
137
00:08:22,298 --> 00:08:24,566
YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO
[bleep] EACH OTHER.
138
00:08:24,601 --> 00:08:27,569
[playing classical music]
139
00:08:27,604 --> 00:08:29,971
¶ ¶
140
00:08:30,007 --> 00:08:32,374
OKAY, ENOUGH FOREPLAY.
141
00:08:41,685 --> 00:08:43,685
[liquid sloshing]
142
00:08:46,457 --> 00:08:50,392
YES! WORK IT!
GET IN BALLS DEEP!
143
00:08:50,427 --> 00:08:52,494
POUND IT!
PUMP IT!
144
00:08:52,529 --> 00:08:54,997
[breezy music]
145
00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:56,265
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
LISTEN UP.
146
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:57,499
I HAVE AN IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENT.
147
00:08:57,535 --> 00:08:59,602
THIS BOX I HOLD BEFORE YOU
148
00:08:59,637 --> 00:09:02,838
CONTAINS THE CUTEST ANIMAL
ON THE PLANET.
149
00:09:02,873 --> 00:09:05,607
IT'S HALF SQUIRREL,
HALF RABBIT.
150
00:09:05,643 --> 00:09:08,043
I CALL IT THE SQUABBIT.
151
00:09:08,078 --> 00:09:10,312
- OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD,
OH, MY GOD!
152
00:09:10,347 --> 00:09:13,682
SO CUTE, I CAN'T TAKE
MY EYES OFF HIM.
153
00:09:13,717 --> 00:09:15,784
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A CUTER ANIMAL?
154
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:17,185
LOOK AT THAT.
155
00:09:17,221 --> 00:09:18,787
OH, I JUST WANT TO
CUDDLE HIM.
156
00:09:18,822 --> 00:09:20,188
- IT'S NOT THAT CUTE.
157
00:09:20,224 --> 00:09:21,690
IT'S GOT THOSE
TAYLOR SWIFT TEETH.
158
00:09:21,725 --> 00:09:23,692
- HOW DID YOU GET A SQUIRREL
AND A RABBIT TO MATE?
159
00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:25,193
- THE SAME WAY YOU GET LAID.
160
00:09:25,229 --> 00:09:26,227
I DRESSED THE SQUIRREL UP
LIKE A WHORE.
161
00:09:26,263 --> 00:09:28,530
- [laughs]
DUMBASS HO!
162
00:09:28,565 --> 00:09:30,065
- SHUT YOUR MOUTH, DENZEL.
163
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,667
LISTEN, THIS WHOLE THING
SEEMS VERY WRONG, STEVE.
164
00:09:32,703 --> 00:09:34,703
- SHE'S GOT A POINT.
IT'S NOT NATURAL.
165
00:09:34,738 --> 00:09:36,905
IT'S LIKE A FREAK OF NATURE
OR SOMETHING.
166
00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:38,773
- NAH, THAT ONE'S TOO EASY.
167
00:09:38,808 --> 00:09:40,441
- WOODY, NOW I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE THINKING,
168
00:09:40,477 --> 00:09:42,610
BUT PLEASE DON'T MAKE
A SPECTACLE OF THIS POOR ANIMAL.
169
00:09:42,645 --> 00:09:44,245
- I WOULD NEVER DO THAT.
170
00:09:44,281 --> 00:09:47,248
[The Stars and Stripes Forever
playing]
171
00:09:47,284 --> 00:09:51,852
¶ ¶
172
00:09:51,888 --> 00:09:54,855
[keyboard music]
173
00:09:54,891 --> 00:09:56,691
¶ ¶
174
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,827
- WOW, 40 MILLION VIEWS.
175
00:09:58,862 --> 00:10:01,896
- THE SQUABBIT IS THE BEST IDEA
I'VE EVER HAD.
176
00:10:01,932 --> 00:10:04,332
- WELL, ACTUALLY,
I KIND OF HAD THE IDEA.
177
00:10:04,368 --> 00:10:05,534
- OH, COME ON, STEVE.
178
00:10:05,569 --> 00:10:06,835
THERE'S THIS NEW THING
CALLED MODESTY.
179
00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:08,470
YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME.
180
00:10:08,505 --> 00:10:10,171
LOOK, I GET IT.
181
00:10:10,207 --> 00:10:12,073
YOU WANT TO BE A PART
OF TEAM SQUABBIT,
182
00:10:12,109 --> 00:10:14,209
WELL, I'VE GOT
A SPECIAL JOB FOR YOU.
183
00:10:14,244 --> 00:10:16,210
PICKING UP SQUABBIT SHIT.
184
00:10:16,246 --> 00:10:18,146
OH, IT'S EVERYWHERE.
CHECK UNDER THE BED.
185
00:10:18,181 --> 00:10:20,281
SOME OF IT'S MINE,
BUT MOST OF IT'S HIS.
186
00:10:20,317 --> 00:10:23,084
HEY, FELLA,
WHO LIKES VIDEO GAMES?
187
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,286
[laughs]
HERE, YOU CAN HAVE MALLOY'S.
188
00:10:25,322 --> 00:10:27,923
GOTTA KEEP OUR NEW STAR
HAPPY AND ENTERTAINED.
189
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,760
- WHAT'S THAT F.U. TO GOD
DOING HERE?
190
00:10:32,796 --> 00:10:34,395
- WHO? OH!
HE LIVES HERE.
191
00:10:34,431 --> 00:10:35,730
- WELL, NOW YOU HAVE
A CHOICE TO MAKE,
192
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:36,864
BECAUSE I'M NOT GONNA SLEEP
193
00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:38,967
UNDER THE SAME ROOF
AS THAT THING.
194
00:10:39,002 --> 00:10:41,236
[crickets chirping]
195
00:10:41,271 --> 00:10:42,370
- [warbling]
196
00:10:42,405 --> 00:10:44,639
[thunder]
197
00:10:44,674 --> 00:10:47,642
[The Circle of Life plays]
198
00:10:47,677 --> 00:10:49,877
¶ ¶
199
00:10:49,913 --> 00:10:52,047
[horns honking]
200
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:54,283
¶ ¶
201
00:10:54,318 --> 00:10:57,520
[cheering]
202
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,068
- DENZEL, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
203
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,236
- I PRINTED
SOME SQUABBIT MERCHANDISE
204
00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:13,337
TO MAKE SOME EXTRA MONEY.
205
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,172
- YOU CAN'T SELL THAT STUFF!
206
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:16,873
THE SQUABBIT
IS THE SOLE PROPERTY
207
00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:18,675
OF BRICKLEBERRY
NATIONAL PARK.
208
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:21,111
WHAT, YOU GOT CHILD SUPPORT
PAYMENTS OR SOMETHING?
209
00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:22,112
- MAN, THAT'S RACIST.
210
00:11:22,147 --> 00:11:23,346
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
211
00:11:23,381 --> 00:11:24,881
I'VE BEEN SAVING UP FOR TICKETS
TO THE SYMPHONY.
212
00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:25,915
- REALLY?
213
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:26,916
- NAH, I'M JUST
MESSING WITH YOU.
214
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:28,585
I GOT CHILD SUPPORT
PAYMENTS.
215
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:32,989
[Woody snoring]
216
00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:35,825
- PSST! COME HERE.
217
00:11:42,399 --> 00:11:44,800
I'M THE CUTE GUY HERE.
218
00:11:44,835 --> 00:11:46,368
[beeps]
219
00:11:46,404 --> 00:11:51,806
[microwave running]
220
00:11:51,842 --> 00:11:53,475
[long beeps]
221
00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:55,177
WHAT THE--
222
00:11:55,212 --> 00:11:57,412
YOU WON THIS ROUND,
SQUABBIT.
223
00:11:57,447 --> 00:12:00,916
LET'S SEE HOW YOU HANDLE
"BAKED POTATO."
224
00:12:00,951 --> 00:12:04,219
[microwave running]
225
00:12:04,255 --> 00:12:06,755
I DON'T GET IT.
THIS WORKED ON WOODY'S HAMSTER.
226
00:12:10,494 --> 00:12:15,963
[electric drill running]
227
00:12:15,999 --> 00:12:17,965
WHY WON'T YOU DIE?
228
00:12:21,971 --> 00:12:24,238
HUH. IT WAS THAT EASY.
[door opens]
229
00:12:24,273 --> 00:12:26,974
- MY SQUABBIT!
WHAT DID YOU DO?
230
00:12:27,009 --> 00:12:28,642
YOU KILLED MY SQUABBIT!
231
00:12:28,677 --> 00:12:30,711
- I DID NOT MEAN
TO KILL HIM THAT TIME.
232
00:12:30,746 --> 00:12:32,146
- GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!
233
00:12:32,181 --> 00:12:33,881
YOU'RE DEAD TO ME,
BEAR CUB!
234
00:12:33,917 --> 00:12:34,883
GET OUT!
235
00:12:34,918 --> 00:12:36,184
OH, GOD.
236
00:12:36,219 --> 00:12:37,919
MY LITTLE SQUABBIT.
237
00:12:37,954 --> 00:12:42,223
WHY?
[sobs] WHY?
238
00:12:42,259 --> 00:12:44,325
ANSWER ME, GOD!
239
00:12:44,361 --> 00:12:46,394
WHY?
240
00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:50,898
WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN
TO GOOD SQUABBITS?
241
00:12:52,969 --> 00:12:56,972
[crackling]
242
00:13:06,049 --> 00:13:07,349
[squeaking]
243
00:15:56,224 --> 00:15:57,390
- [grumbles]
244
00:15:57,425 --> 00:15:59,792
WHAT THE--
IT'S A MIRACLE!
245
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,027
THANKS, JESUS.
246
00:16:01,062 --> 00:16:04,330
[gasps]
BABY SQUABBITS?
247
00:16:04,365 --> 00:16:08,200
THE LORD TAKETH AND THEN
HE GIVETH A SHITLOAD.
248
00:16:08,236 --> 00:16:10,436
HALLELUJAH!
249
00:16:10,472 --> 00:16:13,639
- SO YOU WOKE UP AND
THERE WERE SIX SQUABBITS?
250
00:16:13,675 --> 00:16:14,674
AND THIS ALL STARTED
251
00:16:14,709 --> 00:16:16,175
AFTER MALLOY CUT
THE FIRST ONE IN HALF?
252
00:16:16,211 --> 00:16:18,444
- EXACTLY.
- WHERE'S MALLOY?
253
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,179
- OH, HE'S LIKE
MY DEAD WIFE.
254
00:16:20,215 --> 00:16:21,280
IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE.
255
00:16:21,316 --> 00:16:22,615
[laughs]
256
00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,650
- WHAT A RAPID
GESTATION PERIOD.
257
00:16:24,686 --> 00:16:26,452
IT MUST BE THEIR MUTANT DNA
COMBIN--
258
00:16:26,488 --> 00:16:27,754
- DEH-DEH-DEH! SCIENCE!
[mocking stammer]
259
00:16:27,789 --> 00:16:28,988
SHUT UP!
260
00:16:29,023 --> 00:16:30,622
- ETHEL'S RIGHT.
261
00:16:30,658 --> 00:16:33,325
AREN'T YOU CONCERNED ABOUT
HOW FAST THEY'RE REPRODUCING?
262
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,227
- YEAH, OF COURSE YOU AGREE
WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
263
00:16:35,263 --> 00:16:36,629
I'M NOT CONCERNED AT ALL.
264
00:16:36,664 --> 00:16:38,497
MORE SQUABBITS,
MORE TOURISTS.
265
00:16:38,532 --> 00:16:43,034
MO TOURISTS, MO MONEY,
RIGHT, DENZEL?
266
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,335
WHERE'S DENZEL?
267
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:45,803
- ALL RIGHT,
WHICH ONE YOU WANT?
268
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,038
I GOT, "I HEART SQUABBITS,"
269
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,773
"SQUABBITUDE,"
"RASTA SQUABBITS,"
270
00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:50,342
"SQUABBIT PISSIN'
ON A JESUS FISH,"
271
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,676
"SQUABBITS
[bleep] LONGER."
272
00:16:51,712 --> 00:16:53,077
WHAT YOU WANT?
I GOT IT.
273
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:54,779
- OH, I'LL TAKE
THAT ONE IN WHITE.
274
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:55,913
- DENZEL!
275
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:56,914
- OH, SHIT!
276
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,482
- AAH!
277
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,350
- YO, BE COOL.
IT'S MY BOSS MAN.
278
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:01,919
- LOOK, MORE SQUABBITS!
279
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,688
WE'RE GONNA NEED EXTRA CROWD
CONTROL FOR TOMORROW.
280
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,056
- UH, THAT'S COOL, MAN.
281
00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:08,459
YEAH, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO
GIVE THESE FOLKS A TOUR OF,
282
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:11,595
UM, THAT DIRT ROAD
THAT'S TOO SMALL FOR CARS.
283
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:12,996
- YOU MEAN THE HIKING TRAIL?
284
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,865
- YEAH, THE HYPERSAIL.
WHATEVER.
285
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,733
- OKAY, GET BACK
TO WORK THEN.
286
00:17:16,768 --> 00:17:20,269
- OOH, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
287
00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:21,537
[crunches]
288
00:17:21,572 --> 00:17:23,072
SO, LET'S SEE, YOU OWE ME
10 FOR THE SHIRT
289
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,540
AND 5 FOR THE FINGER.
290
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:25,541
[thud]
291
00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:28,077
- WHO NEEDS WOODY?
292
00:17:28,112 --> 00:17:29,612
I CAN MAKE IT
IN THE FOREST.
293
00:17:29,647 --> 00:17:30,947
I'M A BEAR!
294
00:17:30,982 --> 00:17:32,215
[iPhone chimes]
295
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:34,484
SIRI, I NEED TO SCHEDULE
A HOT STONE MASSAGE.
296
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,585
[chimes]
297
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,554
- HEY THERE, BROTHER BEAR.
[laughs]
298
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,624
LOOKS LIKE I FOUND MYSELF
A NEW FRIEND.
299
00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:44,294
- NEW RECORD. THREE SECONDS,
AND I ALREADY HATE YOU.
300
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:46,763
- GOSH, ARE YOU HAVING A BAD DAY
OR SOMETHING?
301
00:17:46,798 --> 00:17:48,799
- DOES A BEAR SHIT
IN THE WOODS?
302
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:49,833
- YES, WE DO.
303
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:51,101
- HUH.
304
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:53,070
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS
JUST AN EXPRESSION.
305
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,339
I HOPE TO GOD YOU GUYS
HAVE BABY WIPES.
306
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,541
- UH, NO.
307
00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:00,410
- SO YOU JUST USE
DRY TOILET PAPER?
308
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:02,446
- NOW, WHAT THE HECK
IS TOILET PAPER?
309
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:05,215
- YOU ARE A NASTY BASTARD.
310
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:08,217
[guitar music]
311
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,585
¶ ¶
312
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,754
[birds singing]
313
00:18:11,789 --> 00:18:12,921
[thwap]
314
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,092
- ISN'T IT GREAT?
315
00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:18,360
WE'RE CHARGING DOUBLE
FOR ADMISSION,
316
00:18:18,395 --> 00:18:19,361
AND THEY'RE PAYING IT!
317
00:18:19,396 --> 00:18:20,362
[laughs]
318
00:18:20,397 --> 00:18:21,763
STUPID SUCKERS!
319
00:18:21,799 --> 00:18:23,165
[thud]
320
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,533
- WOODY,
THESE SQUABBITS HAVE EATEN
321
00:18:24,568 --> 00:18:26,035
NEARLY ALL THE VEGETATION
IN THE PARK.
322
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,603
WE HAVE TO GET--
- LOOK AT THIS.
323
00:18:27,638 --> 00:18:30,206
20 BUCKS AT THE GIFT SHOP.
[toy squeaks]
324
00:18:30,241 --> 00:18:32,808
- OH, MAN, I SELL THOSE FOR 10.
- 10?
325
00:18:32,844 --> 00:18:36,545
- OVERPOPULATION OF ONE SPECIES
IS A PROBLEM, WOODY.
326
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:37,579
[thud]
327
00:18:37,614 --> 00:18:39,314
- YEAH, I KNOW.
SO IS YOUR CAMEL TOE.
328
00:18:39,349 --> 00:18:41,982
[horn honks]
329
00:18:42,018 --> 00:18:43,818
[ominous music]
330
00:18:43,853 --> 00:18:46,120
- I'M STANDING HERE
WITH WOODY JOHNSON,
331
00:18:46,155 --> 00:18:47,588
CREATOR OF THE SQUABBIT.
332
00:18:47,623 --> 00:18:49,123
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
333
00:18:49,158 --> 00:18:51,225
THERE CAN NEVER BE
TOO MANY SQUABBITS.
334
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,527
AND I'D LIKE YOU
TO MAKE LOVE TO ME,
335
00:18:53,562 --> 00:18:55,629
RIGHT NOW, ON THE AIR.
336
00:18:55,664 --> 00:18:56,797
- WELL, ALL RIGHT.
337
00:18:56,832 --> 00:18:58,765
[kiss]
338
00:18:58,801 --> 00:19:00,534
OH! WHAT THE--
339
00:19:00,569 --> 00:19:01,635
[thunderous approach]
340
00:19:01,670 --> 00:19:04,304
- YOU ARE THE SMARTEST MAN
ON EARTH.
341
00:19:04,340 --> 00:19:06,106
[cheering]
342
00:19:06,141 --> 00:19:08,141
- HERE'S $3 MILLION
IN PENNIES.
343
00:19:08,177 --> 00:19:09,810
AND A NOBEL PRIZE.
344
00:19:09,845 --> 00:19:12,746
- I KNOW. I'M GREAT!
SEE, MALLOY?
345
00:19:12,782 --> 00:19:16,116
I WAS RIGHT, YOU WERE WRONG.
ADMIT IT.
346
00:19:16,151 --> 00:19:17,884
[crunch]
AAH!
347
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,087
[screaming]
348
00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:22,656
OW!
349
00:19:22,691 --> 00:19:23,657
AAH!
350
00:19:23,692 --> 00:19:25,759
UHH!
I'M OKAY.
351
00:19:25,794 --> 00:19:27,760
IT WAS JUST
ANOTHER WET DREAM.
352
00:19:27,796 --> 00:19:29,028
AAH!
353
00:19:29,064 --> 00:19:32,031
[dramatic music]
354
00:19:32,066 --> 00:19:33,032
¶ ¶
355
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:34,700
[gasps]
356
00:19:34,735 --> 00:19:39,438
¶ ¶
357
00:19:39,473 --> 00:19:42,174
[screaming]
358
00:19:42,209 --> 00:19:43,175
[Squabbits chittering]
359
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:44,910
UHH!
LISTEN UP.
360
00:19:44,945 --> 00:19:47,379
WE'VE GOT TOO MANY
GODDAMN SQUABBITS!
361
00:19:47,414 --> 00:19:49,514
THE TOURISTS CAN'T EVEN
GET IN THE GATES.
362
00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:52,284
DAMN YOU, STEVE, THIS WAS
ALL YOUR STUPID IDEA!
363
00:19:52,319 --> 00:19:54,452
- THANK YOU. IT'S ABOUT TIME
I GOT A LITTLE CREDIT.
364
00:19:54,488 --> 00:19:57,456
- I AM DECLARING
OPEN SEASON ON SQUABBITS!
365
00:19:57,491 --> 00:19:59,425
I WANT EVERY POACHER
IN THE STATE HERE
366
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,827
TO SHOOT, STAB, RUN OVER,
DECAPITATE,
367
00:20:01,862 --> 00:20:04,196
EAT, KICK, OR FIST
THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS.
368
00:20:04,231 --> 00:20:05,898
- OR WE COULD JUST
RELOCATE THEM.
369
00:20:05,933 --> 00:20:07,599
- WE'RE GONNA RELOCATE 'EM,
ALL RIGHT.
370
00:20:07,634 --> 00:20:09,634
[gun clicks]
TO HELL!
371
00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:12,071
EVERYBODY GRAB SOME AMMO.
IT'S KILLIN' TIME!
372
00:20:12,106 --> 00:20:14,974
- PSSH, I'M GREAT
AT KILLIN' TIME. HEE HEE.
373
00:20:15,009 --> 00:20:16,008
- NO, YOU CAN'T JUST
KILL THEM.
374
00:20:16,044 --> 00:20:17,277
- YEAH, WOODY.
375
00:20:17,312 --> 00:20:20,046
- SPOKEN LIKE A COUPLE OF
DOPEY LIBERAL BROADS.
376
00:20:20,081 --> 00:20:23,850
I DON'T KNOW WHAT BLEEDS MORE--
YOUR HEARTS OR YOUR PARTS.
377
00:20:23,885 --> 00:20:25,818
- WE HAVE TO STOP
THAT MANIAC.
378
00:20:25,854 --> 00:20:30,057
- HOW? HE DOESN'T LIKE TO BE
BOTHERED DURING KILLING TIME.
379
00:20:30,092 --> 00:20:33,560
[dramatic music]
380
00:20:33,595 --> 00:20:35,428
ARE YOU SURE
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA?
381
00:20:35,464 --> 00:20:38,899
I MEAN, IT'S YOUR IDEA,
SO IT--IT'S GOTTA BE GOOD.
382
00:20:38,934 --> 00:20:40,534
YOU'RE PRETTY.
- WHAT?
383
00:20:40,569 --> 00:20:43,237
- I WANT TO WEAR YOUR ASS
LIKE A FAKE BEARD.
384
00:20:43,272 --> 00:20:44,905
- WHAT?
- UH, NOTHING.
385
00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:29,907
[munching]
386
00:23:32,279 --> 00:23:34,446
[baby panda sneezes]
387
00:23:34,481 --> 00:23:37,048
- WHO'S READY FOR DINNER?
388
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,784
- NO WAY! HONEY!
389
00:23:39,819 --> 00:23:42,619
- GUYS, I'M ALLERGIC TO BEES,
AND I DIDN'T BRING MY EPIPEN.
390
00:23:42,655 --> 00:23:44,421
- YUMMY TO MY BEAR TUMMY!
391
00:23:44,457 --> 00:23:46,290
- YOU'RE HAVING HONEY
FOR DINNER?
392
00:23:46,325 --> 00:23:49,092
IT'S A GODDAMN CONDIMENT!
393
00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:50,360
[gunshot]
394
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:52,796
[gunfire in background]
395
00:23:52,832 --> 00:23:54,732
- WOW, THESE THINGS
ARE HARD TO KILL.
396
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,301
- WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
397
00:23:57,336 --> 00:24:00,771
- STOP IN THE NAME OF PITA!
- OH, GREAT, PITA.
398
00:24:00,806 --> 00:24:03,340
- PETA?
- NO, PITA WITH AN "I."
399
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:06,276
IT'S A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT ORGANIZATION.
400
00:24:06,312 --> 00:24:07,578
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HEARD,
401
00:24:07,613 --> 00:24:09,279
BUT WE HAVEN'T HARMED
A SINGLE SQUABBIT.
402
00:24:09,314 --> 00:24:12,282
[funky music]
403
00:24:12,317 --> 00:24:15,585
¶ ¶
404
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:16,786
- WHAT, YOU LIKE THE DUDS?
405
00:24:16,822 --> 00:24:18,054
I'LL GIVE YOU A GOOD DEAL
ON ONE.
406
00:24:18,090 --> 00:24:22,058
¶ ¶
407
00:24:22,094 --> 00:24:23,260
- I KNEW IT!
408
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:25,829
WE FORBID YOU FROM HARMING
ONE MORE SQUABBIT!
409
00:24:25,864 --> 00:24:27,297
- AND WHO'S GONNA STOP US?
410
00:24:27,332 --> 00:24:31,334
YOU AND A BUNCH OF
PICKETING PITA PUSSIES? PUHH!
411
00:24:31,370 --> 00:24:33,904
- COMMENCE OPERATION:
SQUABBIT STORM.
412
00:24:33,939 --> 00:24:36,906
[Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries
playing]
413
00:24:36,942 --> 00:24:42,612
¶ ¶
414
00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:43,947
- YOU HAVE A WHOLE ARMY?
415
00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:45,749
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
WE SPEND OUR MONEY ON?
416
00:24:45,784 --> 00:24:47,951
STARVING CHILDREN?
THAT WOULD BE A WASTE.
417
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:48,952
[clicks]
418
00:24:48,987 --> 00:24:50,854
- NOW, JUST STAY COOL.
419
00:24:50,889 --> 00:24:53,723
NOBODY'S GONNA HURT
ANY ANIMALS HERE.
420
00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:55,459
[crunch]
421
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,694
WHEW! IT WAS
JUST A COCKROACH.
422
00:24:57,730 --> 00:25:01,932
[automatic gunfire]
AAH!
423
00:25:01,967 --> 00:25:03,267
[thud]
424
00:25:03,302 --> 00:25:04,935
- NOOOOO!
425
00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:07,170
WAIT. WHO THE HELL
WAS THAT GUY?
426
00:25:07,206 --> 00:25:10,474
[thuds]
427
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,743
- YOU HAVE SINNED AGAINST
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM,
428
00:25:12,778 --> 00:25:14,744
AN ACT PUNISHABLE BY DEATH.
429
00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:16,146
- WE'RE PARK RANGERS.
430
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,248
EVERYTHING WE DO AT THIS PARK
IS TO KEEP ANIMALS SAFE.
431
00:25:18,284 --> 00:25:20,417
- YEAH! GET HIM!
BITE THAT MOTHER[bleep]!
432
00:25:20,453 --> 00:25:22,587
[crunch]
WHOO! I WON!
433
00:25:22,622 --> 00:25:24,188
GIVE ME MY GODDAMN MONEY.
434
00:25:24,224 --> 00:25:27,191
[sentimental piano music]
435
00:25:27,227 --> 00:25:33,397
¶ ¶
436
00:25:33,433 --> 00:25:37,400
[munching]
437
00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:39,669
- THIS ISN'T THAT BAD.
WHAT IS THIS?
438
00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:41,571
- A BEAVER'S ASSHOLE.
439
00:25:41,607 --> 00:25:44,207
- [vomits]
440
00:25:44,242 --> 00:25:46,242
[water splashes]
441
00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:49,345
THIS IS A LOW POINT.
442
00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:51,180
[moose bellows]
443
00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:52,515
[bear roars]
444
00:25:52,550 --> 00:25:53,549
[moose whimpers]
445
00:25:53,585 --> 00:25:55,785
WOW, THANK YOU.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
446
00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:57,520
I DO NOT KNOW HOW I COULD REPA--
[iPhone chimes]
447
00:25:57,555 --> 00:25:58,654
HOLD ON.
448
00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:02,659
- O-M-F-G. I MISS U.
EMOTICON SAD FACE.
449
00:26:02,694 --> 00:26:06,897
I NEVER R-O-T-F-L-M-F-A-O
ANYMORE.
450
00:26:06,932 --> 00:26:09,566
I LESS-THAN SIGN THREE YOU.
451
00:26:09,602 --> 00:26:12,469
IF YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT,
I'M GAY IF YOU ARE.
452
00:26:12,505 --> 00:26:14,071
[iPhone chimes]
453
00:26:14,106 --> 00:26:16,907
NO! I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO
MAKE UP, I'M GAME IF YOU ARE.
454
00:26:16,943 --> 00:26:18,375
GODDAMN AUTOCORRECT!
455
00:26:18,411 --> 00:26:21,378
[suspenseful music]
456
00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:29,420
¶ ¶
457
00:26:40,264 --> 00:26:43,230
[dramatic music]
458
00:26:43,266 --> 00:26:44,965
¶ ¶
459
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,500
- OKAY, YOU LOWLIFE HUMANS!
460
00:26:47,535 --> 00:26:50,870
PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DEMISE IN
THE MOST UNETHICAL WAY POSSIBLE.
461
00:26:50,905 --> 00:26:52,905
DEATH BY COSMETIC TESTING!
462
00:26:52,940 --> 00:26:55,574
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
PUT MAKEUP ON US?
463
00:26:55,609 --> 00:26:56,608
[cell door hinges creak]
464
00:26:56,643 --> 00:27:00,045
- OH, MY GOD!
- THAT WAS HORRIBLE!
465
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,813
- EVERYTHING'S FUZZY.
CAN YOU SEE?
466
00:27:01,849 --> 00:27:02,914
I CAN'T FEEL MY LIPS.
467
00:27:02,950 --> 00:27:05,484
- OH, IT STINGS.
OH.
468
00:27:05,519 --> 00:27:07,085
- I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS THAT BAD.
469
00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:09,421
- THEY SHOVED LIPSTICK
UP MY GODDAMN DICK HOLE!
470
00:27:09,456 --> 00:27:12,424
- ME TOO. NORMALLY I HAVE TO
PAY 50 BUCKS FOR THAT.
471
00:27:12,459 --> 00:27:16,228
- ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME
TO FINISH YOU OFF.
472
00:27:16,263 --> 00:27:19,231
[dramatic music]
473
00:27:19,266 --> 00:27:25,905
¶ ¶
474
00:27:25,940 --> 00:27:29,275
I AM HONORED TO DIE
TO GIVE YOU SUSTENANCE.
475
00:27:29,310 --> 00:27:30,710
I STILL LOVE YOU.
476
00:27:30,745 --> 00:27:32,678
AAH!
477
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:13,637
[thud]
478
00:31:13,672 --> 00:31:14,971
- NOW IT'S OUR CHANCE
TO GET OUT OF HERE!
479
00:31:15,007 --> 00:31:16,406
- ANYONE KNOW HOW
TO PICK A LOCK?
480
00:31:16,441 --> 00:31:18,041
- ALLOW ME.
481
00:31:18,077 --> 00:31:22,679
[moaning, groaning]
482
00:31:22,715 --> 00:31:24,581
AH-AHHHH-AH.
483
00:31:24,616 --> 00:31:26,482
[click]
484
00:31:26,518 --> 00:31:27,817
[dramatic music]
485
00:31:27,853 --> 00:31:31,621
[all grunting]
486
00:31:31,657 --> 00:31:33,390
- WE'LL BE SAFE UP HERE.
487
00:31:33,425 --> 00:31:35,992
THOSE STUPID SQUABBITS
CAN'T CLIMB.
488
00:31:36,028 --> 00:31:39,329
- WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
489
00:31:39,365 --> 00:31:40,664
- LEARNING.
490
00:31:40,700 --> 00:31:43,668
[dramatic music]
491
00:31:43,703 --> 00:31:48,105
¶ ¶
492
00:31:48,141 --> 00:31:49,206
SCREW IT.
493
00:31:49,242 --> 00:31:50,508
- CONNIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
494
00:31:50,543 --> 00:31:52,276
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ANIMALS
AS MUCH AS I DO!
495
00:31:52,312 --> 00:31:53,444
- UH, NOT REALLY.
496
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:55,479
I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE YOU
GO DOWN ON ME.
497
00:31:55,515 --> 00:31:59,116
UH, I MEAN, LIKE ME.
WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT LATER.
498
00:32:03,523 --> 00:32:04,688
- IT DIDN'T KILL THEM!
499
00:32:04,724 --> 00:32:06,224
IT DIDN'T KILL
A SINGLE ONE OF THEM!
500
00:32:06,259 --> 00:32:08,426
- THEY'RE IMPENETRABLE
FROM THE OUTSIDE.
501
00:32:08,461 --> 00:32:10,694
MAYBE WE NEED TO ATTACK THEM
FROM THE INSIDE.
502
00:32:10,730 --> 00:32:12,863
- LIKE FEEDING THEM
POISONED FOOD.
503
00:32:12,898 --> 00:32:14,331
- THEY AIN'T TOUCHING
THOSE DEAD BODIES.
504
00:32:14,366 --> 00:32:16,833
THEY ONLY EAT LIVING THINGS,
LIKE US.
505
00:32:16,869 --> 00:32:20,804
- WHERE ARE WE GONNA FIND
A LIVING THING SO TOXIC,
506
00:32:20,839 --> 00:32:24,007
SO VILE, SO AFFLICTED
BY A DISEASE
507
00:32:24,043 --> 00:32:27,177
THAT IT COULD WIPE OUT
AN ENTIRE POPULATION?
508
00:32:27,212 --> 00:32:30,480
- HELLO!
SORRY I'M LATE, GUYS.
509
00:32:30,516 --> 00:32:32,449
- PAMELA ANDERSON?
- JACKPOT!
510
00:32:32,484 --> 00:32:35,952
- WHAT'S THAT SKINNY OLD MAN
WITH THE TIT JOB DOING HERE?
511
00:32:35,987 --> 00:32:38,955
[harmonica music]
512
00:32:38,990 --> 00:32:39,956
¶ ¶
513
00:32:39,991 --> 00:32:41,291
[birds singing]
514
00:32:41,326 --> 00:32:44,060
- WINNIE THE POOH NEVER HAD TO
DEAL WITH THIS BULLSHIT.
515
00:32:44,095 --> 00:32:46,929
[squabbits snarling]
516
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,498
YOU CAN DO THIS.
YOU'RE A BEAR.
517
00:32:49,534 --> 00:32:52,100
JUST REMEMBER WHAT THOSE
JAMBOREE BUMPKINS TAUGHT YOU
518
00:32:52,136 --> 00:32:53,168
OUT IN THE WOODS.
519
00:32:53,203 --> 00:32:56,338
GRRR-OWWWWW.
520
00:32:58,976 --> 00:33:01,577
- OKAY, WHO ORDERED
THE HOT STONE MASSAGE?
521
00:33:01,612 --> 00:33:02,578
[sizzling]
522
00:33:02,613 --> 00:33:04,813
- THANK YOU, SIRI.
[kiss]
523
00:33:04,848 --> 00:33:08,950
- THAT WILL BE $80.
524
00:33:08,986 --> 00:33:12,287
[lotion sloshing]
525
00:33:12,322 --> 00:33:14,289
- SO, HOW ARE WE
GONNA TRICK HER
526
00:33:14,324 --> 00:33:15,890
INTO FEEDING HERSELF
TO THE SQUABBITS?
527
00:33:15,926 --> 00:33:17,325
- CAN WE GET THROUGH
ONE EMERGENCY
528
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,327
WHERE YOU GUYS DON'T
PUT ON A DRAG SHOW?
529
00:33:19,362 --> 00:33:22,230
- MALLOY!
OH, SWEET DICK EISENHOWER!
530
00:33:22,266 --> 00:33:24,366
THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE,
LITTLE BUDDY.
531
00:33:24,401 --> 00:33:26,134
- OKAY, I'M IGNORING
ZIGGY STARDUST.
532
00:33:26,170 --> 00:33:27,869
SOMEBODY ELSE WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON?
533
00:33:27,905 --> 00:33:29,638
- I KNOW IT'S CRAZY,
BUT HEAR ME OUT.
534
00:33:29,673 --> 00:33:31,640
WE HAVE TO KILL PAM ANDERSON
BECAUSE--
535
00:33:31,675 --> 00:33:32,941
- I'M IN.
536
00:33:32,976 --> 00:33:35,009
- OKAY, WE KNOW SHE'S INFATUATED
WITH CUTE ANIMALS,
537
00:33:35,044 --> 00:33:36,444
BUT IN ORDER FOR THIS
TO WORK,
538
00:33:36,479 --> 00:33:38,713
WE NEED SOMETHING
EXTRAORDINARILY CUTE.
539
00:33:38,748 --> 00:33:40,448
- [singsong]
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
540
00:33:40,483 --> 00:33:43,684
[Anchors Aweigh playing]
541
00:33:43,719 --> 00:33:47,620
- SO CUTE!
NEED TO HUG.
542
00:33:47,656 --> 00:33:50,190
¶ ¶
543
00:33:50,225 --> 00:33:53,493
[Squabbits chittering]
544
00:33:53,528 --> 00:33:57,731
AAH!
545
00:33:57,766 --> 00:34:00,199
[chittering fades]
546
00:34:00,235 --> 00:34:02,969
- OH, MALLOY, YOU DID IT!
547
00:34:03,004 --> 00:34:04,437
- YEAH, WE CAN'T FORGET
TO THANK STEVE,
548
00:34:04,472 --> 00:34:07,607
THE FAT MORON WHO MADE THESE
THINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
549
00:34:07,642 --> 00:34:09,509
[fishing line whirrs]
550
00:34:09,544 --> 00:34:11,678
- STEVE, O-M-F-G!
551
00:34:11,713 --> 00:34:13,346
[reeling]
552
00:34:13,382 --> 00:34:16,383
[leaf blower running]
553
00:34:23,224 --> 00:34:27,425
[runs blower
at high speed]
554
00:34:27,461 --> 00:34:28,760
CONGRATULATIONS, RANGERS.
555
00:34:28,795 --> 00:34:31,095
KILLIN' TIME
WAS A HUGE SUCCESS.
556
00:34:31,131 --> 00:34:32,797
ALL THE SQUABBITS
ARE DEAD.
557
00:34:32,832 --> 00:34:35,099
WELL, TOO BAD
WE DON'T HAVE AN ANIMAL
558
00:34:35,134 --> 00:34:36,767
TO ATTRACT TOURISTS
ANYMORE.
559
00:34:36,803 --> 00:34:37,902
- DON'T WORRY, WOODY.
560
00:34:37,937 --> 00:34:40,037
I'VE CREATED
A MUCH SAFER ANIMAL.
561
00:34:40,072 --> 00:34:42,272
I GIVE YOU
THE WOLVERINIGATOR.
562
00:34:42,308 --> 00:34:43,273
[chomps]
563
00:34:43,308 --> 00:34:44,274
OW!
564
00:34:44,309 --> 00:34:45,508
[all shouting]
565
00:34:45,544 --> 00:34:46,609
[hissing]
566
00:34:46,645 --> 00:34:48,511
- OW! OH!
- UHH!
567
00:34:48,547 --> 00:34:49,879
- DON'T MOVE!
- AAH!
568
00:34:49,915 --> 00:34:52,615
- HE SMELLS FEAR!
569
00:34:52,650 --> 00:34:54,116
- AAH!
570
00:34:54,152 --> 00:34:55,618
[breezy music]
571
00:34:55,653 --> 00:34:57,119
[typewriter keys clacking]
572
00:34:57,155 --> 00:34:58,287
[typewriter bell dings]
573
00:35:24,149 --> 00:35:25,182
FROM COMEDY
CENTRAL EALZ -- CENTRAL'S WORLD
574
00:35:25,184 --> 00:35:26,016
CENTRAL EALZ -- CENTRAL'S WORLD
NEWS HEADQUARTERS IN NEW YORK,
575
00:35:26,018 --> 00:35:26,784
NEWS HEADQUARTERS IN NEW YORK,
THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
576
00:35:26,786 --> 00:35:28,786
THIS IS "THE DAILY SHOW" WITH
JON STEWART.
577
00:35:28,788 --> 00:35:29,386
JON STEWART.
["DAILY SHOW" THEME SONG
578
00:35:29,388 --> 00:35:29,720
["DAILY SHOW" THEME SONG
PLAYING]
579
00:35:29,722 --> 00:35:32,022
PLAYING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
580
00:35:32,958 --> 00:35:36,927
Captioning sponsored by
COMEDY CENTRAL
581
00:35:37,695 --> 00:35:40,563
>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY
SHOW".
582
00:35:40,565 --> 00:35:41,364
SHOW".
MY NAME IS JON STEWART.
583
00:35:41,366 --> 00:35:43,466
MY NAME IS JON STEWART.
MY GUEST TONIGHT FILMMAKER
584
00:35:43,468 --> 00:35:44,167
MY GUEST TONIGHT FILMMAKER
EUGENE JARECKI.
585
00:35:44,169 --> 00:35:46,570
EUGENE JARECKI.
THE NEW MOVIE ABOUT THE WAR ON
586
00:35:46,572 --> 00:35:46,903
THE NEW MOVIE ABOUT THE WAR ON
DRUGS.
587
00:35:46,905 --> 00:35:48,906
DRUGS.
FOR THE MANY WARS AMERICA IS
588
00:35:48,908 --> 00:35:50,073
FOR THE MANY WARS AMERICA IS
CURRENTLY FIGHTING, THE ALONG
589
00:35:50,075 --> 00:35:51,741
CURRENTLY FIGHTING, THE ALONG
WITH THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS, WAR
590
00:35:51,743 --> 00:35:54,411
WITH THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS, WAR
ON WOMEN AND THERE'S ONE MORE --
591
00:35:54,413 --> 00:35:55,512
ON WOMEN AND THERE'S ONE MORE --
IT WILL COME TO ME.
592
00:35:55,514 --> 00:35:56,913
IT WILL COME TO ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]